The Death Eaters' Chatroom
by Witchy Pixie
Summary: What happens when the death eaters discover the internet? You'll find out! Bella goes to therapy, Snape gets hooked on webkinz, and there's even a visit from the chosen one himself! Awful, awful fic I started when I was eleven. and don't have the heart to take down.
1. And so it begins

ThedrkLord  
Hello? Is it working? Snape? Did you set it up right?

Potionsmaster101  
Yes milord. It's working.

CruciosRcool  
Bella here, milord, are you SURE i can't have the screen name i voldy?

Thedrklord  
Postive

CruciosRcool  
awww :(

Ratpower  
I listen when our lord talks. And I don't make sad faces

Luciusrox  
u all need to chill, im tired of hereing u all fite.

Potionsmaster101  
English please?

Rudolphustheawsome  
Honey? I've been so worried about you since azkaban, that I booked you for a visit to a pyscologist. I didn't tell you in person because I was afraid you'd kill me. Anyway, Wormtail will tell you the address, as I don't care if he gets crucio'd

CruciosRcool  
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ratpower  
You're mean

Rudolphustheawsome  
Hello? I'm a death eater. Death eaters are mean. IYes I know, I'm not in any of the movies, but I'm still a death eater! Even though, Bella gets all the spotlight...I don't resent that......not at all...... ok a little......WHEN IS MY TIME TO SHINE!?!?!

Thedrklord  
Um.....Passing over the crazy lives of my minions...... Im the dark lord and I've only made like two posts!

Luciusrox  
u all need 2 chill out. u are going 2 get baned. nd milord, u forgot a comma in the lsat post. u need to work on ur grammer

Potionsmaster101  
I found an awsome site! Webkinz! I have a tiger snake! And a striped snake! And a gecko And-

**Potionsmaster101 has been banned by moderator CruciosRcool because we are sick of his yapping**

Thedrklord  
Bella, I thought we agreed no abuse of power?

CruciosRcool  
Sorry milord I'll lift the ban

**Potionsmaster101's ban has been lifted. **

Potionsmaster101  
And a lemon-lime gecko and a turtle and a bullfrog only its not adoped because it's POTM

Thedrklord  
What the heck is POTM?

Potionsmaster101  
Pet of the month! You all need to get webkinz! They're awsome!

CruciosRcool  
I wash my hands of this insanity. Also, I have to go to that dumb therapy thing Rudolphus is making me do.

Ratpower  
ow! She is mean! I mean, has she ever heard of don't kill the messanger?

Rudolphustheawsome  
Where have you been?

Ratpower  
Getting crucio'd by your lovely wife beacause I told her when the therapy sessions were.

Luciusrox  
she needs to chil! i meen, she makes soooo many mistakes in her posts..... i could giv her gramer nd speling lessons

This will be continued, I already have a good part of it written and am just going to post it all slowly.

Peace, Sparklegirl


	2. Some new faces

Potionsmaster101  
I just got 500 kc on the wheel of wow!

Yaxleydude  
Do we look like we care?

Thedrklord  
Shut up Yaxley. Go on about this, "Wheel of Wow" Snape

Goyleizcool  
What is the wheel of wow?

Ratpower  
I like wow! Can I get a wheel of wow?

Potionsmaster101  
You can't "get" a wheel of wow. You get it by buying a webkinz and going on the site. Can ANY of you understand technolgy?

**CruciosRcool has logged in**

CruicosRcool  
I can. I used the therapist's computer to knock her out today. Rudolphus, I'm going to kill you

Rudolphustheawsome  
Bella......

Thedrklord  
So where do you buy these "webkinz"? And will they aid me in taking over the world?

Potionsmaster101  
At hallmark. And they have taken over most of the world already.

Avery2364  
Hey guys! Sorry I'm late!

Thedrklord  
Crucio.

Avery2364  
But Yaxley was late too!

Thedrklord  
Crucio. You gave me the wrong information about the prophecy.

Avery2364  
You know, those don't hurt though the internet

Thedrklord  
Silencio!

**Avery2364 has been banned by the moderator Thedrklord**

CruciosRcool  
You said you'd let ME ban people!

Thedrklord  
Well I'm the DARK lord. I can lie.

CruciosRcool  
............ If I lied to you you'd kill me.

Thedrklord  
I'm evil remember?

CruciosRcool  
:roll eyes:

Thedrklord  
Don't you roll your eyes at me!

Luciusrox  
lok ppl! i found thes at the botom of the page! Theyre cool11111 :) :( B: xD ;P

Potionsmaster101  
Can we ban him?

CruciosRcool  
Ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this, I agree with snape. Never gonna say that again!

Rudolphustheawsome  
Bella? Can I come out of my room? I barricded the door for my own safety.

CruciosRcool  
CRUCIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CruciosRcool  
CRUCIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**CruciosRcool has been banned for spamming by Thdrklord**

Thedrklord

HA!

**CruciosRcool's ban has been lifted by CruciosRcool, because she's a mod to so HA! to YOU!**

Potionsmaster101  
Dang

Crabbycrabbe  
Hey guys! It took me a while to set up my computer.

Thedrklord  
Hi

Goyleizcool  
How come you don't crucio him like you did avery??

Crabbycrabbe  
SHHHHH!

Thedrklord  
I'm still mad at Avery for giving me the wrong information

Sbnalkkessssssssssrrcoil  
hui iyt's haerd tp type wuith ur tail11111111111

Potionsmaster101  
Someone with worse grammer than Lucius. Amazing

Luciusrox  
U forgot a . soooooo dont cirizize me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thedrklord  
Nagini! You're learning how to type!? Oh my percious little snakey! Oh you're growing up! awwwwww who's my little grown-up snakey???? Nagini!

Sbnalkkessssssssssrrcoil  
Stop imbarreassinf mre!

Thedrklord  
She's rebelling! My baby is growing up!

**Sbnalkkessssssssssrrcoil has logged off**

Potionsmaster101  
That is wrong on so many levels.

Luciusrox  
yea, thats liek sooo rong!

Yaxleydude  
Hey guys! I was sending the order threatening messages.

Thedrklord  
So you've found something constuctive to do? Good for you!

Cissyflower  
OK guys, I know I'm not TECHNICALLY a death eater, but can I join you?

CruciosRcool  
Hi Cissy!

Cissyflower  
Hey frizzhead!

**Cissyflower has been banned by moderator CruciosRcool because she insulted me!**

Thedrklord  
Bella....... what did we talk about?

CruciosRcool  
No abuse of power I know...

**Cissyflower's ban has been lifted by moderator CruciosRcool**

Thedrklord  
See now that wasn't so hard was it?

CruciosRcool  
Yes it was.

Thedrklord

I don't know why I even try.


	3. Draco's mistake

Rudolphustheawsome  
Is it safe to come out of my room?

CruciosRcool  
Have you noticed my username??

Rudolphustheawsome

Guess not.

Draco-dragon  
hay guys! im late cuz i was playing webkinz with uncle snape!

Potionsmaster101  
HOW many times must I ell you never to call me that?? And fix your grammer!

Draco-dragon  
is aunti bela here?

CruciosRcool  
Yes. Ad it's Bella. Not bela

Cissyflower  
Hi pumpkin!

Draco-dragon  
Mom! liek, dont do that!

Cissyflower  
Milord! My baby is growing up too!

Thedrklord  
I feel your pain!

Luciusrox  
hai son

Potionsmaster101  
He's as bad as his father. I can barely read their posts.

Draco-dragon  
chil snapeadoodle

Potionsmaster101  
WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!

CruciosRcool  
I like it! Hey Snapeadoodle!

Potionsmaster101  
If that ever leaves this chat I will show you that you are not the only you can crucio people!

Thedrklord  
I like it mt self! In fact, we are ALL going to 'adoodle" on the ends of out names! I'm Voldadoolde.

CruciosRcool  
This is INSANITY!

Potionsmaster101  
You should be able to identify with it then, Belladoodle

Ratpower  
Wormadoodle. I like it!

Thedrklord  
Wormtail, where have you been?

Ratpower  
Hiding from Bellatrix. Whenever she can't crucio the person she's mad at, she crucio's me.

Goyleizcool  
Goyledoodle i like it

Crabbycrabbe  
Crabbeadoodle. COOL!

Yaxleydude  
Yaxadoodle. WHY!?!?!?!

**Avery2364's ban has been lifted**

Thedrklord  
How the......

Avery2364  
I hacked it!

Thedrklord  
but but but.......

Avery2364  
I'm evil too! So what are we doing?

CruciosRcool  
Thanks to _Draco _we are all adding "adoodle to the end of our names, Averydoodle.

Cissyflower  
Dracadoodle!

Draco-dragon  
Narcissadoodle! i meen, MOM lol

Luciusrox  
see whut u did! im Luciusadoodle

Rookwoodroocks  
Sorry I'm late. I was out looking for info! Unlike SOME people coughAverycough

Avery2364  
We are all adding "adoodle to the ends of our names. rookadoodle

Rudolphustheawsome  
Using my last name....Leastangeadoodle

CruciosRcool  
You are all NUTTY!

Luciusrox  
tak a chil pill belladoodle

CruciosRcool  
AT LEAST AZKABAN WAS PEACEFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS PLACE IS CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!

Draco-dragon  
chil out. u r all mad cuz of nothin

Thedrklord  
Ok Ok, no more doodle names. HAPPY Bella? The only reason I'm doing this for you is because you are my most loyal follower.

CruciosRcool  
THANK YOU MILORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luciusrox  
she iz sooo emotional! nd spazzy!

Potionsmaster  
I agree

CruciosRcool  
Noticed my username? You want to end up like the Longbottoms?

Potionsmaster101  
Yes, about that. That was over-done. VERY.

CruciosRcool  
You little *&^%#

Thedrklord  
Keep it rated G guys.

Potionsmaster101  
Don't you yell symbles at me!!!!!!!!

CruciosRcool  
I can call you and say to you whatever I want. CRUCIO!

Potionsmaster101  
Well that ws a step to far! CUCIO! To YOU!

Luciusrox  
chil ppl

Thedrklord  
Yes, CHILL! I have no wish to listen to you two love-birds.

CruciosRcool  
I DO NOT LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Potionsmaster101  
That is the MOST idiodic thing I have EVER heard.

Thedrklord  
Methinks thou dost protest too much.

Goyleizcool  
huh?

Thedrklord  
It means I think they really DO like each other Goyle

CruciosRcool  
I DO NOT LIKE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rudolphustheawsome  
You know, she HAS a husband. ME!

Thedrklord  
You aren't even in the movies! Hardly. There's like ONE shot of you! It's like you're not even there!

Rudolphustheawsome  
I will not respond to that.

Thedrklord  
You just can't come up with a snappy come-back.

Draco-dragon  
guys, i g2g, mom iz making me go shopping me with her. heelp meeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!11111

So what did you all think...the "adoddle" thing is the closest I've come to a plot...lolz!


	4. Voldie's little girl

Sylthen'sltherin  
Hey, it's me Nagini! I found one of those things you talk into and it types for you! So now I can chat!

Thedrklord  
You are so clever Nagini! Who's my grown-up girl?

Sylthen'sltherin  
Bella, shut him up.

CruciosRcool  
I'm not shutting him up! He's pround of you, that's all.

Sylthen'slytherin  
You're a mod, ban him

CruciosRcool  
He said no abuse of power.

Slythen'sltherin  
I'll eat you if you don't

CruciosRcool  
He's banned. But he's a mod too so.....

**  
Thedrklord has been banned by moderator CruciosRcool because Nagini threatened me**

Thedrklord's ban has been lifted by moderator Thedrklord  


Thedrklord  
Nagi! Be nice to Bella!I like you BOTH equally!

CruciosRcool  
You like a SNAKE as much as me? Did SHE spend years in Azkaban for you? I think not!

Potionsmaster101  
Yes, and she doesn't yap about it at every oppertunity

CruciosRcool  
Why you.......

Slytheren'stherin  
I AM A HORCRUX FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!

CruciosRcool  
Yeah, I'd be one if he'd LET me. And I HAVE one of his horcruxes

Ratpower  
Isn't it hocruxei?

Thedrklord  
Ban him Bella

**Ratpower has been banned by moderator CruciosRcool beacuse Thedrklord told her to.**

Potionsmaster101  
Oh for crying out loud. Avery, hack him back on.

Avery2364  
Will do!

Ratpower's ban has been lifted

Rudolphustheawsome  
Where did you learn to hack?

Avery2364  
Why would I tell you?

Rudolphustheawsome  
I can crucio too you know.

Avery2364  
I'm used to it.

Ratpower  
So am I.

Thedrklord  
I'M THE DARK LORD! WHY IS THE CONVERSATION ABOUT WORMATAIL?

CruciosRcool  
I'll talk about you.

Thedrklord  
I just want a bit of spotlight. This fic IS about me isn't it?

Goyleizcool  
It's not about me?

Crabbycrabbe  
It's about ME right!?

Luciusrox  
u all r being dumb its bout ME1111

CruciosRcool  
I think we all agree it's not about HIM. It's about YOU milord.

Thedrklord  
Whatever! You are all loco in the coco!

Potionsmaster101  
He should talk. Spending his time obsessing over a KID who's still in SCHOOL!

Thedrklord  
E-avada kedavra

Ratpower  
I think it's about you to milord

CruciosRcool  
You just don't want to get crucio'd Crucio.

Ratpower  
Missed me missed me now you've gotta kiss me!

**Ratpower has been banned my moderator CruciosRcool **

Thedrklord  
Bella.....

CruciosRcool  
Voldie.......

Thedrklord  
WHAT did you just call me?

CruciosRcool  
Voldie.

Thedrklrod  
Bella don't you ever.....

CruciosRcool  
You call me Bella

Thedrklord  
like everyone else. Bellatrix is a mouthful

CruciosRcool  
So is Voldemort

Luciusrox  
she has a point u knw

Potionsmaster101  
I could almost read that post! Who are you and what have you done with Lucius?

Draco-dragon  
reel funy we hav good grammer + speling u just liek 2 complain.

Therdklord  
Bella, unban wormtail and don't call me Voldie. I mean it! (although, I wouldn't be ablr to kill you if you didn't because you are my useful and loyal follower!)

**Ratpower's ban has been lifted by moderator CruciosRcool**

CruciosRcool  
SEE! See Snape! _**I **_am his most loyal follower! He said it himself!

Potionsmaster101  
He's just saying that. It's REALLY me. And besides, I won a quick draw!!!!!!!!!

Luciusrox  
hes crazy agian

Potionsmaster101  
I'm leaving, I'm joining they understand webkinz. Later!

**Potionsmaster101 has logged off  
**

CruciosRcool  
Good riddance

Thedrklord  
Now now, everyone, be nice.

Ratpower  
I'm being nice!

Goyleizcool  
i'm nice

Avery2364

milord, could you chose followers that actually HAVE A BRAIN??

CruciosRcool  
Just what are you insinuating?

Thedrklord  
Avery, you be nice too.

Yaxleydude  
Guys! Sale at Borgin & Burkes! Let's go get dark arts stuff!

Rudolphustheawsome  
I'd rather be blogging

Luciusrox  
me 2! cuz its teh funess111

Cissyflower  
Who cares about borgin & burkes? THE NEW FALL ROBES CAME OUT AT MADAM MALKIN'S!!!!!!! GTG!

**Cissyflower has logged off**

CruciosRcool  
My sister is nutty.

Luciusrox  
and im th 1who haz 2 pay!1!11111!!!!

Back to random craziness!

BTW vetetaworshipper92 I did spell grammer wring...... Thanks for telling me it's spelled with an a.....wow I can't believe I did that. Anyway, I'm leaving in a lot of the typos because I want it to be more natural, and in chatrooms people do make some mistakes. Also, I'm kind of lazy about proofreading.


	5. What a cute couple!

Potionsmaster101  
Nothing going on on the webkinz forums at the moment..... thought I'd come back.

CruciosRcool  
Awwww

Ratpower  
Yay! And I'm not just saying that because he's threating me with swelling solution

(Auther's note: for swelling solution (sp?), see chamber of secrets)

CruciosRcool  
Wormtail you wimp.

Ratpower  
SEE WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU??????

Yaxleydude  
CHILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goyleizcool  
yeah, you are being mean

Luciusrox  
i relly dont get y u always fite i think u liek each other11111

Thedrklord  
That would be interesting....

Crabbycrabbe  
Snapey and Bella sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marrige, then comes Bella with a a baby carrige!

**Crabbycrabbe has been banned by moderator CruciosRcool**

CuciosRcool  
I'm feeling homicidal at the moment, so LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thedrklord  
Bella, remember the talk we had.........

CruciosRcool  
YOU UNBAN HIM! HE IS (*^&##%*(^%$##

Thedrklord  
Bella, this has to be G-rated.

CruciosRcool

**CruciosRcool has been banned my moderator Thedrklord**

Crabbycrabbe has been unbanned my moderator Thedrklord

CruciosRcool has been unbanned because she's a mod too! PSYHC!

CruciosRcool  
MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

CruciosRcool  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

CruciosRcool  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

CruciosRcool  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Potionsmaster101  
*YAWN*

Ratpower  
SNAPEY AND BELLA SITTIN' IN A TREE!

Rudolphustheawsome  
YOu KNOW, SHE HAS A HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luciusrox  
u all ned 2 chil an i think wromltial is writ, u liek each ohter!!111111

Potionsmaster101.  
I DO NOT LIKE HER! SHE IS AN INSANE MASS MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CruciosRcool  
I'M NOT INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Potionsmaster  
MmmHMMM

CruciosRcool  
I'M NOT

Potionsmaster101  
Yes you are

CruciosRcool  
No I'm not

Potionsmaster101  
yes you are

CruciosRcool  
NO I'm NOT

Potionsmaster101  
YES you ARE

CruciosRcool  
NO I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Potionsmaster101  
YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CruciosRcool  
_NO I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Potionsmaster101  
_YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

CruciosRcool  
_**NO I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Potionsmaster101  
_**YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

CruciosRcool  
_**NO I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Potionsmaster101  
_**YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Thedrklord  
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CruciosRcool  
Can I ban him? PLEASE?

Thedrklord  
NO! FOR THE LAST TIME NO!

Luciusrox  
CHILL!

Potionsmaster101  
I could read that! WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

Snape/Bella is one of my faves. BTW as_dead_as_a_squirel, webkinz are toy animals that come with a code that you can unlock a website with. They are meant for kids, so I thought it might be funny to have Snape like them.


	6. A traitor in our midst

Thedrklord  
Someone go feed Nagini

Avery2364  
Do it yourself

Thedrklord  
Crucio

Ratpower  
It's not my turn

Rudolphustheawesome  
Bella did it

Yaxleydude  
I did it LAST time

Goyleizcool  
Im scared of Nagini

Crabbycrabbe  
me too!

RookwoodRules  
Not my tu-urn!

**  
Cissyflower has logged on**

Cissyflower  
I'm too busy counting all the stuff I bought! Luci darling, I maxed out the credit cards, I'm sorry dear!

CruciosRcool  
Cissy cissy cissy. What are we going to do with you?

Luciusrox  
CISSY!

Cissyflower  
Luci, I said I was sorry. Besides you'll LOVE this red robe....I liked it so much I bought it in every color!

CruciosRcool  
Go easy on my sister, "Luci"

Luciusrox  
u r DEAD if tat leves this chat, Belladoodle

CruciosRcool  
Touche

Avery2364  
You all need to check out webkinz! Snape got me hooked! I ow have 50 webkinz!

Thedrklord  
SNAPE!!!!!!!

Potionsmaster101  
What? :angelic look:

Thedrklord  
WE DO NOT NEED HIM ADDICTED TO WEBKINZ! BETWEEN YOU AND HIM WE'VE PROBALBY RACKED UP A MILLION BUCKS!

Potionsmaster101  
Actually, $999,999.99

Thedrklord  
E-avada

Luciusrox  
u all need to CHILL! srsly, u r all bein dum an fiteing. i get sick of it11!!1!11!

Avery2364  
Can you buy me a cheeky dog?

Thedrklord  
WHY ME??

Potionsmaster101  
It's you own fault. YOU recuited idiots for minions

Thedrklord  
Bella, next time you see him, give him a crucios from me.

CruciosRcool  
YAY! I GET THE CRUCIOS SNA-APE WHOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Potionsmaster101  
This is it. I'm turning spy for Dumbledore.

Thedrklord  
What was that?!?

Potionsmaster101  
Oh, nothing.


	7. Laugh out loud

**Yaxleydude**  
Where's wormtail. I havent seen him in ages?

**Luciusrox**  
idk

**Dracodragon**  
me either

**Avery2364**  
Who cares?

**Goyleizcool**  
i dont know where he is.

**Crabbycrabbe**  
me either. i hope he get found soon.

**Rookwoodrocks**  
Probaly getting cruico'd by Bella

**Rudolphustheawesome**  
No, that would be me. Honey, I really am getting sick of having to hide from you.

**Knot has logged on**

**Knot**  
Hey guys! It's me Nott.

**Potionsmaster101**  
So we gathered.

**Thedrklord**  
Be nice Snapeadoodle

**Potionsmaster101**  
They're nicer on the webkinz forums

**Mac897 has logged on**

**Mac897**  
Macnair here. Sorry about that, I was at Knockturn Alley with Mulciber and the Carrows.

**Mucibar567 has logged on**

  
**Muciber567**  
Hey guys!

**Crowsrule has logged on**

**Mugglesstink has logged on**

**Crowsrule**  
Amycus here!

**Mugglesstink**  
Alecto here

**Ratpower**  
I'm back! I was getting a frrapicoino at starbucks and there was an INCREDIBLE line.

**CruciosRcool**  
How did you go to starbucks if you are a wanted man?

**Ratpower**  
A MUGGLE starbucks my dear Bella.

**CruciosRcool**  
DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN!

**Ratpower**  
Ok Belladoodle!

**CruciosRcool**

Run. Now.

**Ratpower has logged off**

**Thedrklord**

Gah! I have such INSANE FOLLOWERS!

**Potionsmaster101**

it takes one to know one...

**luciusrox**

u forgot 2 make the first letter a capital1! nd u yell me 4 grammer1!

**Potionsmaster101**

The irony is sickening.

**Draco-dragon**

whatevr

**Thedrklord**

Since I am THE DARK LORD, I am going to make you translate all his posts Snape.

**Potionsmaster101**

Why me?

**Thedrklord**

You keep whining.

**Potionsmaster101 has logged off**

CruciosRcool

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

**Thedrklord**

Be nice

**CruciosRcool**

I'm evil, for crying out loud!

**Rudolphustheawesome**

Hey, people? Sorry, I was on brb due to SOMEONE thinking it was fun to see if she could crucio and type at the same time.

**CruciosRcool**

I'm not that bad at it am I?

**Thedrklord**

:facepalm:

**luciusrox**

lololol

**dracodragon**

drklord facepalm xD

**ThedrkLord**

I should have just stayed working at Borgin and Burkes. They had such a nice Christmas bonus. But no, I had to become the dark lord voldemort and get insane followers.

**Luciusrox**

lol u worked ther? I luv dat place!

**Dracodragon**

yah!

**Mac897**

I guess Narcissa isn't the only one who can shop hmm?

**Knot**

LOL

**Rookwoodroocks**

lol

**ThedrkLord**

lol is so pointless, lol

**Revamp news 12/11/10 edited and bolded names.**


	8. Dumbledore's plot

**Potionsmaster101 has logged on.**

**Potionsmaster101**

Hello everyone.

**ThedrkLord**

Hi

**Ratpower**

Hi

**CruciosRcool**

Hi, you idiot.

**ThedrkLord**

Was that nessacary Bella?

**CruciosRcool**

Yes.

**ThedrkLord**

Ok then...let's talk about me!

**Rudolphustheawesome**

Vain much?

**Mac897**

He freakin' gave himself a title of honor. Of course he's vain!

**CruciosRcool**

I love him anyway. 3

**Thedrklord**

ooookay then...

**rudolphustheawesome**

Bella, you do realize I'm still here?

**CruciosRcool**

Yes.

**Rudolphustheawesome**

Why did I ask?

**Thedrklord**

While this is very flattering...does anyone have any brainstorms for killing harry potter?

**Ratpower**

I sneak into hogwarts, I drop poison in his pumpkin juice, we send the Dursleys a congratulations card.

**Thedrklord**

No, too simple. We need something with more of a chance of potter escaping... any ideas?

**Luciusrox**

lol milord y not just accio him from hogwarts? It would b easier.

**Thedrklord**

You have no imagination!

**Cissyflower**

Hey everyone! Luci dear, we need more credit cards.

**Luciusrox**

:facepalm:

**Cissyflower**

Sorry dear.

**CruciosRcool**

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL xD

**Thedrklord**

Not gonna say anything.

**Rodulphustheawesome**

Bella, a least YOU don't shop insanely. You just have a crucio problem. Speaking of which, you have therapy today.

**CruciosRcool**

I canceled them all. MUWAHAHAHAHA

**Rodulphustheawesome**

Please tell me you didn;t kill the therapist.

**CruciosRcool**

Nah, she left. She said something about me waiting for men in white coats...Anyway, soooo when are we killing harry potter?

**Thedrklord**

DON'T SAY HIS NAME!

**Potionsmaster101**

Um milord? It's YOU people don't say the name for...

**Thedrklord**

They don't say my name, I don't say his name. Fair enough

**Potionsmaster101**

Okay then...

**Ratpower**

Erm...here's an idea, polyjuice ourselves as one of his friends and kill him.

**Thedrklord**

TOO SIMPLE! Besides, those kids have talent. Even that idiot longbottom has some way of escaping me...

**CruciosRcool**

It's a plot! Albus Dumbledore is behind it!

**Luciusrox**

whatevr, so nyway is nyone goin to borin nf burkes wit me? I ned 2 got l8tr

**Thedrklord**

Snape, decipher

P**otionsmaster101**

Whatever, so anyway, is anyone coming to Borgin and Burkes with me? I need to go later. (WHY can't Bella do this?)

**CruciosRcool**

Because I'm too cool.

**Potionsmaster101**

Not saying anything.

**Rodolphustheawesome**

Smart man.

**Revamp news 12/11/10 Bolded names, edited a little.**


	9. Infiltrator!

**The-chosen-one has logged in**

**The-chosen-one**

I have infiltated your chat! I can find out about your secret plans!

**The-chosen-one**

Wow, you really have too much time on your hands Voldadoolde

**The-chosen-one has been banned by moderator CruciosRcool **

**Thedrklord**

Thank you Bella.

**Thedrklord**

That kid is so annoying...

**Potionsmaster101**

Yes, why don't we kill him?

**Thedrklord**

We will. We just need a more...implausible plan

**Potionsmaster101**

Milord, shouldn't we make it...I don't know...MORE POSSIBLE FOR US TO KILL POTTER?

**Thedrklord**

No, we can't do that! He has to have a bunch of loopholes, friend helping him and so on. We can't have a fool proof plan.

**Potionsmaster101**

And he wonders why Potter's still around.

**Cissyflower**

Dear, there's a man at the door...something about credit cards and debt...

**luciusrox**

WHY ME!

**Cissyflower**

I told him to go away...I'm going to madame malkin's!

**Luciusrox**

CISSY! WAIT! NO!

**Cissyflower has logged off.**

**Luciusrox**

oh no...

**CruciosRcool**

Haha Lucius

**Luciusrox**

ITS NOT FUNNY!

**CruciosRcool**

Whatever Luci...

**Luciusrox**

*%%^((&^$#

**Thedrklord**

Lucius, please refrain from swearing as Draco is reading this.

**Draco-dragon**

&*%&*^

**Thedrklord**

OK, I guess no worries there...

**Cissyflower**

Draco!

**Draco-dragon**

LOL


	10. Rememeber your medication

**Thedrklord**

Soooooooooooo

**CruciosRcool**

What my lord?

**Th****edrklord**

There's nothing to talk about.

**CruciosRcool**

We could talk about you my lord! Your handsome snake eyes! Your sophisticated bald head! Your...unique nose!

**Potionsmaster101**

Please excuse me while I barf.

**Avery2364**

Hey guys! Speaking over Voldemort's nose, I found where he got the idea! There's this muggle guy, Jackson Michael or something....just died..... anyway there's a a certain similarity.....

**Thedrklord**

SILENCE!

**Avery2364**

Meep.

**CruciosRcool**

Avery's in trouble! Avery's in trouble!

**Potionsmaster101**

You are so juvenile.

**CruciosRcool**

Whatever Snapeadoodle.

**Potionsmaster10**1

Belladoodle.

**CruciosRcool**

Snapeadoodle is worse.

**Potionsmaster101**

No it's not.

**CruciosRcool**

Yes it is

**Potionsmaster101**

No it's not.

**Thedrklord**

SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Luciusrox**

has some1 forgotten they're medication?

**Thedrklord**

NO!

**CruciosRcool**

Is something wrong milord?

**Thedrklord**

Yes.....

**CruciosRcool**

What is it milord?

**Thedrklord**

It's that infernal POTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Potionsmaster101**

So? Kill him!

**Thedrklord**

I can't! I've tried and tried but some how the teenager can elude me! It's not FAIR!

**Potionsmaster101**

Yes, Lucius is right. He forgot to take his medication.

I finally updated! Sorry for the wait and hope you enjoy

I used A True Weasley's idea of bolding the usernames because FF formatting is evil. Hopefully this will make it easier to read.


	11. Jam preferences

**CruciosRcool**

Wormtail, get me a latte.

**Ratpower has logged off**

**CruciosRcool**

It's good to be queen.

**Thedrklord**

Bella, we've talked about this. I'm the Dark Lord, I give the orders, you're the follower, you obey the orders.

**CruciosRcool**

Whatever.

**Thedrklord**

Don't you whatever me!

**Pheonixlover**

Is this the order of the pheonix chat?

**Thedrklord**

uh.....sure it is. Now what's the latest secret plan????

**Pheonixlover**

Oh Tom tom tom! I'm not that easy to fool! You didn't ask me what my favorite type of jam was!

**Thedrklord**

erm.....

**Pheonixlvoer has logged off.**

**Potionsmaster101**

That was weird....

**Thedrklord**

Senile old bat.

**Potionsmaster101**

Takes one to know one....

Not long...or my best chapter, but I just wanted to update.


	12. Sisterly love

**That wait wasn't _that _long was it?  
**

**Cissyflower**

Bellatrix dear, your room is getting disgusting. The house-elf can't handle clothes, so please bring your dirty ones out.

**CruciosRcool**

Whatever little sis.

**Cissyflower**

Don't. Call. Me. That.

**CruciosRcool**

My baby sister!

**Cissyflower**

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has done this my ENTIRE life! Lorded over me because I was a few years younger!

**Ratpower**

I'm sensing some resentment?

**Cissyflower**

You betcha.

**luciusrox**

lol u sound like sarah palin

**Thedrklord**

Who the heck is Sarah Palin?

**Avery2364**

Some muggle. She shoots at moose.

**ratpower**

Shouldn't that be meese?

**Thedrklord**

Why do you know all this about muggles?????

**ratpower**

Chillax milord. I just keep up with the muggle times. You know, know the enemy?

**Thedrklord**

So you sit around reading muggle newspapers when you're supposed to be helping me kill potter?

**ratpower**

Pretty much.

**Cissyflower**

Anyway, the point is Bella needs to clean her room.

**CrucisoRcool**

Or what?

**Cissyflower**

I'll kick you out and you'll have to go live at Spinner's End with Snape.

**CruciosRcool**

I think I'll start cleaning now.

**CruciosRcool has logged off**

**Potionsmaster101**

Ah sisterly love.......

**Cissyflower**

Shut up.

Enjoy!

**Sparkle**


	13. Cleaning with Bella and Draco!

**An update in TWO DAYS! Feel free to clap. (And review!)**

**CruciosRcool**

I finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It almost got me, but it was not match for the Dark Lord's most faithful!

**Potionsmaster101**

Erm…….

**CrucisoRcool**

I CLEANED MY ROOM!

**ratpower**

I saw you shoving it all under the-

**ratpower has been banned by moderator CruciosRcool**

**draco-dragon **

lol PWNED! btw that's how I clean my room too.

**Cissyflower**

DRACO!

**draco-dragon**

Aunt bela did it 2!

**Potionsmaster101**

What bad example you set, Bellatrix.

**CruciosRcool**

Hello? DEATH EATER? I'm EVIL!

**Cissyflower**

The point is, you need to keep your room clean. Carry out all your dirty laundry, and dust the furniture, and sweep the floor.

**CruciosRcool**

Why can't the house-elf sweep and dust and all that??

**Cissyflower**

Because I feel like being mean to you.

**CruciosRcool**

I'm a member or the family too!

**Cissyflower**

I ordered him not to obey you.

**CruciosRcool**

I'll order him to ignore your order and listen to me.

**CIssyflower**

I'll order him not to listen to you ordering him to ignore me!

**Thedrklord**

This is going to be one house-elf with a headache.


	14. After the Battle

**Thedrklord**

So that was a failure. A BIG failure.

**luciusrox**

its bellas fault. Dont blame me11

**Thedrklord**

It's EVERYONE'S fault! I have THE most incompetant minions in the history of evil!

**CruciosRcool**

Milord, I killed a member of the order of the pheonix!

**Thedrklord**

BUT YOU DIDN'T GET THE PROPHACY! OR** KILL POTTER!**

**Potionsmaster101**

Milord I really have to say they were VERY incompetant.

**CruciosRcool**

At least we were there which is more than can be said for SOME PEOPLE.

**Thedrklord**

Enough! SILENCE!

**Ratpower**

It's a chatroom milord. No one's making any noise. Except the nosie of typing.

**Ratpower has been banned by moderator Thedrklord because he's an annoying little git.**

**luciusrox**

look milord y dont u just forget bout that stupid prophecy? I meen deres no reason u cnat just kill him anyway

**Thedrklord**

We NEED the PROPHECY! Oh wait, I forgot, someone's stupid minions SMASHED IT!

**Rudolphustheawesome**

Milord, I've been attending Bella's therapy sessions, and I've discovered that words like that are the reason for my low self-esteem. If you could use words like "Try again." or "everyone makes mistakes" rather than accusations and put-downs, I think we'd all be happier and more well-adusted.

**draco-dragon**

:/

**Thedrklord**

Bella, see if you can get me a monkey like that one in that movie you're always watching? The one with the "Incredibly sexy pirates" you're always talking about. I want to avada something.


	15. SPEW

**Thedrklord**

So...what's everyone's favorite unforgivable curse?

**CruciosRcool**

Do you really have to ask?

**luciousrox**

imperio ftw!

**S.P.E.W. representative has logged on**

**S.P.E.W. representative**

Hello, my name is Hermione Granger and I'm a representative from the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. I'm here to take a poll of your opinions of house-elf rights. Yes or no: house elves should be treated as well as wizards?

**luciousrox**

house elves r good 4 one tihng... target practice!

**CruciosRcool**

Hey, they're handy to have around! I love room service!

**Cissyflower**

Well of course I could never manage cleaning the house on my own. But they're infinitely inferior.

**Slitherin'Slytherin**

They don't taste as good as wizards...

**S.P.E. has logged off**

**Thedrklord**

That name is familiar...

**Potionsmaster101**

It's Potter's friend. The know-it-all.

**Thedrklord**

Oh yes...Snape, I need you to write a list of Potter's companions. I forget them...

**draco-dragon**

SENIOR MOMENT!111!1!

**Uh, ok, it's kinda crappy...but at least I updated right? Right?**

**Revamp news: 12/11/10 Corrected some spelling. **


	16. Potter Puppet Pals

**ratpower**

Guess what I found?

**ratpower**

Really? No one cares?

**CruciosRcool**

Pretty much.

**ratpower **

Just going into youtube and type in "Potter puppet pals: the mysterious ticking noise."

**CruciosRcool**

Oh. My. Dark. Lord. That. Is. HILARIOUS!

**Thedrklord**

Snape. Snape. Severus Snape. DUMBLEDORE! Snape. Snape. Severus Snape. DUMBLEDORE!

**luciousrox**

ron, ron, ron weasley!

**CrusciosRcool**

Hermione. Hermione.

**ratpower**

Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Ooh! Harry Potter!

**Thedrklord**

Snape!

**ratpower**

Harry!

**Thedrklord**

Snape!

**ratpower**

Harry!

**Thedrklord**

Snape!

**ratpower**

Harry!

**luciousrox**

DUMBLEDORE!1

**CruciosRcool**

Singin our song, all day long at HOOOOOGWARTS!

**Potionsmaster101**

I'll just be jumping off a cliff now.

**So…erm…I UPDATED! And it's only semi-crappy! (For those of you are going "what the…?" at this chapter, follow Wormtail's instructions. It's hilarious.) And I think I'm going to attempt to fix a few chapters, get rid of typos and stuff, so the fic is better all round. And I'm going actually attempt to update this thing. Let me know what you think!**

**Peace,**

**Sparkle.**


	17. A Very Death Eater Christmas!

**Potionsmaster101**

I'm surprised we haven't heard the annual Bah-humbug-I-want-to-implace-someone-with-a-candy-cane speech yet.

**ratpower**

It's coming up. It has to be. Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without it.

**CruciosRcool**

I know, right?

**luciousrox**

remember the year he set fire to that mall santa set up?

**Potiobsmaster101**

Ah, memories.

**CruciosRcool**

We're not allowed back there, are we?

**luciusrox**

no but y would we want 2 go shoppin in a muggle mall?

**Cissyflower**

Bella and I have gotten some wonderful sales there.

**CruciosRcool**

Yeah, and they don't recognize us as mass-murderers. The benefits are endless.

**Potionsmaster101**

Did you get Rudolphus something this year?

**CruciosRcool**

What kind of question is that? Of course not!

**Thedrklord has logged on**

**Potionsmaster101**

Here it comes.

**Thedrklord**

IF I HEAR ONE MORE CHRISTMAS CAROL I'M GOING TO GO INSANE! I HATE CAROLS! AND CANDY CANES! AND SANTA! AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE HOLIDAYS! BAG HUMBUG!

**CruciosRcool**

Ah, tradition.

**Thdrklord**

And don't get me started on shopping! Crazy old ladies playing tug of war over the last talking hippogriff pillow pet! I almost didn't get it for Draco! And the cost of shipping all those gifts and cards! I had to get one to every pure-blood family we know, and I have paper cuts on my tongue and writer's cramp! Not to mention sneaking in a stealing owls from the Hogsmeade post office! And through it all, I can't get away from these stupid CAROLS! I WANT TO IMPALE SOMEONE WITH A CANDY CANE!

**ratpower**

Merry Christmas, milord.

**CruciosRcool**

Merry Christmas! 3!

**Potionsmaster101**

Merry Christmas! And a happy new year!

**Thedrklord**

Oh what the crap. Merry freaking Christmas, my loyal minions. Merry Christmas.

**Merry Christmas! **


	18. New Year's Resolutions and Holiday Sales

**CruciosRcool**

Post…holiday…letdown…depressed…need…chocolate…and…catalogs…

**Cissyflower**

I'm not depressed! I've been hitting all the great sale. Luci, did you know you can shop on these computers? is great!

**luciusrox**

oh crap oh crap oh crap

**draco-dragon**

hi uncle voldy, I realy like teh pillow pet!1 its so cute!

**Thedrklord**

I. Told. You. Not. To. Call. Me. Uncle. Voldy.

**CruciosRcool**

Count yourself lucky. I'm auntie bells.

**Potionsmaster101**

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

**CruciosRcool**

Shut up.

**Potionsmaster101**

Make me.

**CruciosRcool**

I can't, Lord Voldemort took away my moderator privileges.

**Potionsmaster101**

LOL, epic.

**Thedrklord**

You're starting to pick up teenage language, Snape. Has the students' vocabulary been rubbing off on you?

**Potionsmaster101**

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

**ratpower **

Geez, take a chill pill, greasy.

**Potionsmaster101**

_What _did you just call me?

**ratpower **

Greasy. It's your nickname because of the hair. You really should try herbal essences.

**Potionsmaster101**

WHO CAME UP WITH THAT?

**ratpower **

Well, actually, see, Ronald Weasley did…I spent a lot of time with him when I was a rat…and I picked up a few things...

**CruciosRcool**

Hmmm…I like it.

**Potionsmaster101**

Wormtail, I'm going to hurt you. And Milord, thank you very much for the new webkinz. They're very cute!

**Thedrklord**

You are most welcome. And I love my Inspirational Quotes calendar!

**CruciosRcool**

Did you like _my_ gift, milord?

**Thedrklord**

Well, Bella, I am extremely flattered, but next year, why don't you get a book or something rather than do a striptease on the table. And you nearly gave me a heart attack when you came out of that cake.

**Potionsmaster101**

Yes Bellatrix, I have that memory most carefully stored…you wouldn't want it to get out anywhere would you?

**CruciosRcool**

Try it, and when I'm finished with you, you'll make the Longbottoms look sane.

**Thedrklord**

Enough! I am sick of this fighting. I want to have peace and harmony among my minions.

**ratpower**

riiiiiiiight…..

**Thedrklord**

That is our New Year's resolution! We will all get along better! No more insults. We will treat each other the way we want to be treated.

**Thedrklord**

Oh, and kill Potter. We need to do that this year too.

**So….I'm updating! For a change! Clicky clicky the review button! Have a happy New Years! Use a lot of exclamation points!**


	19. The Horrors of Fanfiction

**Potionsmaster101**

So I discovered this thing called fanfiction…

**CruciosRcool**

Yeah?

**Potionsmaster101**

And I think it may be the perfect weapon against Potter and his cronies.

**Ratpower**

Potter isn't evil, and therefore does not have "cronies." Only bad guys have cronies. He has friends or allies.

**CruciosRcool**

Do you work at being this annoying, or does it come naturally?

**Potionsmaster101**

Play nicely, children. Anyway, I found a site of fanfiction where people write stories about us. And the pairings…well let me just say they make every other evil we've committed look like community service.

**CruciosRcool**

I find that a little hard to believe.

**Potionsmaster101**

Draco/Harry, Tom Riddle/Voldemort, Ginny/Hermione, Draco/Hermione, Sirius/Lupin, you are Narcissa. And that's just scratching the surface.

**Cissyflower**

My son with a _mudblood_?

**draco-dragon**

she is pretty cute….

**luciusrox**

We're having a serious talk, son.

**CruciosRcool**

So, I checked out the site, Sevvie. And there were a few pairings you forgot to mention.

**Potionsmaster101**

Don't. Call. Me. Sevvie.

**CruciosRcool**

Harry/Snape

**Potionsmaster101**

…..Bella, I'm going to kill you.

**luciusrox**

**Cissyflower**

Why…Severus…I didn't know you…

**Potionsmaster101**

I DON'T!

**CruciosRcool**

Suuuuuure. C'mon out of the closet, it must be cramped in there.

**Potionsmaster101**

Damn Dementors. They just HAD to join us. Just HAD to break open Azkaban. And then my peaceful life was brought to an abrupt end.

**Thedrklord has logged on**

**Thedrklord**

What are we talking about?

**ratpower **

There's people on the internet that write about Snape having romantic relationships with Harry.

**Thedrklord**

…I leave you people alone for a few minutes to go get a coffee, and look what you get yourselves into.

**CruciosRcool**

Everyone knows Snape's a greasy little pedo.

**Potionsmaster101**

Why you…

**Thedrklord**

Remember our New Year's resolution?

**ratpower **

You were serious about the peace and harmony thing?

**draco-dragon**

we thought you confused April Fool's day with New year's.

**Thedrklord**

Listen, minions, if you can't get along, you can't be an effective force of doom and destruction.

**Potionsmaster101**

Look, there is _no way _we will _ever _be an effective force of doom and destruction.

**ratpower**

Ministry of Magic, case in point.

**Knot**

You know, I've been reading a fair amount of fantasy, and we aren't really any less efficient than toher villains.

**Thedrklord**

How so?

**Knot**

Well, there's one that has to use JEWELRY to take over the world, there's one that has an incompetent emo minion, there's one that wears black when the rest of the evil side wears white, there's one who got defeated by a little girl reading out loud, and there's one that captures children by acting maternal. We are definitely high on the scale.

**Thedrklord**

You know, I feel better now.

**Potionsmaster101**

We still haven't killed the adolescent boy that defeated you when he was one…

**Thedrklord**

Silence, minion!

**OK, it's crappy and insanely short but it proves that this is not a dead fic. I really need to work on writing for something other than Inheritance Cycle. **


	20. AN Coda

To my readers:

Thank you for sticking with this utterly idiotic piece of my mind. I started it somewhere around age twelve, so it is, without a doubt, crap. Still, I won't delete it. But I would like to let ya'll know it is finished. There won't be any more updates. Check out the Inheritance Cycle archive for more of my better stuff.

Love you all!

-Pixie


End file.
